STOP Tracking Your Money Per Hour

SwitchUpCB, PhD
5 min readAug 31, 2022
Photo by Travis Essinger on Unsplash

I am sure you are familiar with the golden question: The question to end all questions in a hierarchy of wagies in a new social setting. The question that is simultaneously used to posture others while gauging whether you have the upper hand in the relationship. You know the one…

“How much do you make per hour?”

Not only is it immoral, but it’s wrong: It’s wrong and immoral. Yet wagies still have the gall to ask, then get butthurt when the answer doesn’t leave them feeling superior. An old friend from middle school saw me in a grocery store selecting from various premium chocolate milk brands. He decided to walk up to me and start some small talk. Eventually, we got to the question, and that’s when I employed the golden posture.

When it comes to money, I am in the 1%. That goes for height and cock size as well. Not only am I extremely emotionally secure, but also very physically fit and fertile. I’m on track to become the president of the United States. My wife is a super sexy astronaut, and we engage in out-of-this-world sex every night, not to mention her ass is so fat it can be seen from outer space. Yet all you do is read Medium posts on the subway like a chud.

You like that? Being called a fucking chud? Anyways.

In utter disbelief, the old friend continued to ask the same question over and over again — out of envy — before he realized that I was physically incapable of answering the question in his $/h format: Stating the amount you earn per hour is only applicable to people who earn a wage. While this may be obvious to some, I’m sure it has opened the door to a number of wagies who forget that thinking is allowed outside of your workplace.

Time Isn’t Money

The idea that money is a function of time is a fallacy. Money buys time, but time is NOT money. In fact, your time is probably worthless. In other words, placing huge amounts of time into a project is not correlated with earning truckloads of money. Instead, you earn money by being valuable to those around you. If your project benefits people beyond its creation, the actual amount of money earned over time is variable, not constant.

Money doesn’t accumulate over time. Not even for wagies. You still have to show up to work…