How to Make One Billion Dollars From Scratch

Requirements: None.

SwitchUpCB, PhD
4 min readDec 27, 2022
Photo by Tim Webur on Pexels

Spawn in the nearest western locale.

Step 1. Get Established

Find a charity store and “try on” a set of clothing and a backpack. Be careful, or you will be arrested for indecent exposure. Once clothing has been acquired, search a trash bin for a cardboard box, borrow a sharpie from a nearby store, then create a panhandling sign. Relocate to the nearest intersection (with lots of traffic) and beg from wagies for one to four hours.

If you are lucky, you should have a few dollars to refuel for the next step. Buy grains (cereal) and vitamins (if the budget allows). Then, relocate to the nearest 24-hour gym to set your respawn point and maintain access to a water fountain. Speak to the gym owner about securing a monthly membership and ask how long you can stay inside within a given timeframe.

If you are unlucky at any point during that entire strategy, find the nearest welfare system. Options include but are not limited to social service, homeless shelter, church, or police station (worst case). This system will provide you with a place to set your respawn point temporarily. In any case, you need to have a place to recharge and a form of storage.

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