How To Fuck Your Couch
Being home alone has never been more exciting.
Using your hands can get boring. Scientists have discovered a new way for men to engage in pleasurable experiences by themselves. Here is how!
Step 1. Locate a couch with adjustable cushions.
Step 2.* Prepare the couch by grabbing a towel and lay it in a circle around a gap between the cushions. This will prevent any body sweat from staining your couch.
If you are poor and cannot afford a towel, use laid out square napkins from the kitchen.
Step 3.* Grab a Ziploc bag and place lotion — optimized for moisture with creamy consistency — on the sides. Then, place your dick in the bag and move it around so that it is comfortable to thrust in.
Step 4.* Find a video that stimulates your mind-body connection.
Step 5. Place your dick in the hole you made in step two. If you are using a Ziploc bag, you can adjust your positioning until you can thrust in and out without holding the bag. This positioning let’s you fuck the couch with no hands and without worrying about cleanup.
* indicates that the step is optional.
Happy couch fucking.
